Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Whole Fish Baked, Meditteranean Style - Rest in Peas, Fish


I organised the burial service of this Spanish Seabass last night. It was a beautiful memorial for everyone present. Tomato and Onion, along with Lemon, showed their ardent support. We decided on a Meditteranean theme to pay tribute to the Spaniard's birthplace. He's a long way from home and having no relatives here can be such a lonely affair.

After washing and drying Seabass with a kitchen towel, I embalmed him by rubbing sea salt all over, and stuffed thin slices of garlic into the lashes on the body. With bacon strips, I barded him following the ritual of an Egyptian mummification process to prevent dehydration and drying out.



As in all funeral wakes, you get a much better idea of the deceased when everyone shares memories about their dead pal. I found out Seabass had an uncanny versatility to be baked, fried, steamed, poached - filleted or whole. There was some confusion on the scene as to how we should pronounce his name. But call him sea-bus, sea-bes or sea-base, it was clear he was a much respected creature amongst his species and beyond. 

More details about him emerged from the deep seas as emotions ran high. As it turned out, Seabass was only 1% Carbohydrate and 37% Fats. Everyone was impressed, in a poignant sort of way. But you hear the oohs and ahhs when it was revealed he was 68% Protein. Lemon was crushed and let out its tears. It was more than we could stomach.

He was finally incinerated at 180 degrees Celsius for 20 minutes, with a bouquet of fresh dill on top. 

Thank you for being a blessing to us. Now rest in peas, fish.

This ends my Yu-logy ("Yu" is fish in Chinese).

Read my Open Letter to the Macarons.

19 comments:

  1. Beautifull write up for those longed for. Was he nestled in a bed of parchment paper for an etheral look?

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    1. Thanks. And yes to parchment paper. You're making me curious about you, Mr or Ms Unknown?

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    2. Ah. A fitting setting for the last kiss. This evokes such a strong longing in my heart. I may have to sinfully commit murder to re-enact such a moving moment. Farewell fair fish~

      Ms. Unknown

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    3. Ah, some mystery unravelled there but not quite enough.

      Yea, fare-thee-well. Lemon is absolutely crushed.

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  2. Hah! Hah! Hah! Beautifully written. This is so you, Luan. What a lovely send off for a handsome fish. Only 1% carbohydrate, eh? That's a dish I would eat with gusto!

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    1. Hi Phong Hong, thanks. Lemon is still grieving so I want to be a bit more sensitive in my response.

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  3. hahaa... I at first thought you're talking about someone...oops! :D

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  4. You've got me cracking up. Love this post!

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    1. Thanks, Trish. Seabass is smiling down from heaven.

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  5. I nearly rolled and the floor laughing!

    Oh no, me bad me bad. I should be grieving.
    My deepest condolence to the fish with 106% content.
    It's a death that is worthwhile.
    I wished this fish died for me instead.
    Pass me the mummy please!

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    1. Trust a teacher to spot your mistake.

      OK, there are 3 (three) types of people in this world. The first group is good in Math. The second group is bad in Math.

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  6. But, but, but ...... I don't see any peas! Poor lass cannot rest, this is not a proper burial without the peas.

    ` CK

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    1. Yea CK, missing element in a ritual is not respectful. Sounds like we have to re-enact the whole thing all over again, one more time, as Ms Unknown above suggested. And this time, with peas. Shalom, shalom.

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  7. indeed, very similiar to my recipe:) I must try done this way!

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  8. Absolutely hilarious! Classic Luan post, wish i could write as eloquently as you do, Luan :) I am beginning to love your writing more than your recipes heehee.

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    1. Esther, thanks! All ye corporate quitters, unite!

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