I organised the burial service of this Spanish Seabass last night. It was a beautiful memorial for everyone present. Tomato and Onion, along with Lemon, showed their ardent support. We decided on a Meditteranean theme to pay tribute to the Spaniard's birthplace. He's a long way from home and having no relatives here can be such a lonely affair.
After washing and drying Seabass with a kitchen towel, I embalmed him by rubbing sea salt all over, and stuffed thin slices of garlic into the lashes on the body. With bacon strips, I barded him following the ritual of an Egyptian mummification process to prevent dehydration and drying out.
As in all funeral wakes, you get a much better idea of the deceased when everyone shares memories about their dead pal. I found out Seabass had an uncanny versatility to be baked, fried, steamed, poached - filleted or whole. There was some confusion on the scene as to how we should pronounce his name. But call him sea-bus, sea-bes or sea-base, it was clear he was a much respected creature amongst his species and beyond.
More details about him emerged from the deep seas as emotions ran high. As it turned out, Seabass was only 1% Carbohydrate and 37% Fats. Everyone was impressed, in a poignant sort of way. But you hear the oohs and ahhs when it was revealed he was 68% Protein. Lemon was crushed and let out its tears. It was more than we could stomach.
He was finally incinerated at 180 degrees Celsius for 20 minutes, with a bouquet of fresh dill on top.
Thank you for being a blessing to us. Now rest in peas, fish.
This ends my Yu-logy ("Yu" is fish in Chinese).
Read my Open Letter to the Macarons.
Beautifull write up for those longed for. Was he nestled in a bed of parchment paper for an etheral look?
ReplyDeleteThanks. And yes to parchment paper. You're making me curious about you, Mr or Ms Unknown?
DeleteAh. A fitting setting for the last kiss. This evokes such a strong longing in my heart. I may have to sinfully commit murder to re-enact such a moving moment. Farewell fair fish~
DeleteMs. Unknown
Ah, some mystery unravelled there but not quite enough.
DeleteYea, fare-thee-well. Lemon is absolutely crushed.
Hah! Hah! Hah! Beautifully written. This is so you, Luan. What a lovely send off for a handsome fish. Only 1% carbohydrate, eh? That's a dish I would eat with gusto!
ReplyDeleteHi Phong Hong, thanks. Lemon is still grieving so I want to be a bit more sensitive in my response.
Deletehahaa... I at first thought you're talking about someone...oops! :D
ReplyDeleteNot just anyone, Ann.
DeleteYou've got me cracking up. Love this post!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Trish. Seabass is smiling down from heaven.
DeleteI nearly rolled and the floor laughing!
ReplyDeleteOh no, me bad me bad. I should be grieving.
My deepest condolence to the fish with 106% content.
It's a death that is worthwhile.
I wished this fish died for me instead.
Pass me the mummy please!
Trust a teacher to spot your mistake.
DeleteOK, there are 3 (three) types of people in this world. The first group is good in Math. The second group is bad in Math.
3rd?
DeleteBut, but, but ...... I don't see any peas! Poor lass cannot rest, this is not a proper burial without the peas.
ReplyDelete` CK
Yea CK, missing element in a ritual is not respectful. Sounds like we have to re-enact the whole thing all over again, one more time, as Ms Unknown above suggested. And this time, with peas. Shalom, shalom.
Deleteindeed, very similiar to my recipe:) I must try done this way!
ReplyDeleteOla, I have much to learn from you!
DeleteAbsolutely hilarious! Classic Luan post, wish i could write as eloquently as you do, Luan :) I am beginning to love your writing more than your recipes heehee.
ReplyDeleteEsther, thanks! All ye corporate quitters, unite!
Delete